well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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