I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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