What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize