I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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