My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
