I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
