I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
