a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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