i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
