Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
