first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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