My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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