Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
