Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
