Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
