No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm really busy with my period
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