I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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