i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
