Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
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