K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
