Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
