I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
