you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
