She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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