drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
