There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
