i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
