Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
