I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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