you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
