Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
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I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
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She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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