Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
