do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
