I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
