My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't think brook has ever known best
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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