Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
