that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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