We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
