If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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