she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
