i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
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who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
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drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize