Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
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All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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