meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize