Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
