@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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