I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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