i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
