i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize