Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
