Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We got so high we made milksteak
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
