After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
