The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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