'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
