He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
