Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
