you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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