All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
