wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
