Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
