If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Someone shit on the floor
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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