just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
