he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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