Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
