I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My ass is underappreciated
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
