your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
