I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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