Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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