I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
