I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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