i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
