After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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