I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
