i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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