**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm really busy with my period
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
