she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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