there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
