I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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