Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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