i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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