Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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