My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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