I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
