Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
