Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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