Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
